Meet Diana.. My new hero !

This is Diana…. and her children: ……Eddie… and….. Joan….

I first met Diana when I was pregnant for my 3rd child. In 2001.

I met her at the YMCA. I wanted to stay healthy through my pregnancy.  So, I would wait for my husband to get home from work in the evenings (so he could watch our 2 daughters), and I would go to the YMCA to do a workout on the elliptical trainer machine. I really liked that machine. It provided a good low impact workout  for a pregnant person.

One day, … As I was doing my workout on this machine, ….along came this tall, beautiful blonde woman. She looked to be about 10 years older than myself.. She stepped onto the elliptical trainer next to me and we began to chat.

Her name was Diana.

Over time, she and I found ourselves meeting up at the same time and same places doing our evening workouts.

This is what I learned about Diana while we exercised side by side..

– She was divorced and had 2 teenage boys at the time.

– She worked in Poughkeepsie.

– She lived in Ulster Park.

– She lived with, and eventually married, a man she adored who did construction for a living.

– She was very much interested in starting a family of her own with this man.

-She knew there would be a big gap in age between any potential new baby and her teenaged sons.

-She was concerned that her age would keep her from having the baby that she very much desired. (Early 40’s)

– I do recall at one point Diana telling me her husband had gone through 8 rounds of chemo due to having non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.. He overcame that hurdle… No issues after that…

So, as Diana and I would meet up at the YMCA over time… she would share her frustration of not being able to get pregnant. I will never forget… she said to me… “Madonna is older than me and look…she just had a baby”… “I can do this”…

It was after that.. I no longer saw Diana. She may have stopped coming to the YMCA at night or I may have had the baby and my schedule of working out adjusted.. Or it may have been both…That part is foggy…

So….fast forward about 5 years or so…

I see Diana back at the YMCA… But, this time…not in the workout room…But, at a children’s event….

I saw that Diana had…. not one kid, but TWO  kids….. Young kids… They were born 2 years apart !!

She did it… She was able to have 2 children at the age of 43 and 45… They were healthy and beautiful. Diana was thrilled !!!

The event in which I ran into Diana with her kids was the YMCA 26.2 program. It is a Saturday morning event that still exists today. Each Saturday in the winter, you bring your child to the YMCA… They run a certain distance … and play games.. inside the gym of the YMCA… The program goes several weeks and the distance the children run adds up to 25.2 miles all together..And then on this one special day… outdoors… the children run their final mile at a local stadium. It adds up to the distance of a full marathon……26.2 miles…Great, great program..

So, here she is… Diana has these two adorable, young children. With this wonderful, hard working husband of hers. They were married and happy and had this amazing family.

She also had her 2 older boys who were starting to phase into more of their adult years…They were also doing well.

Diana  was doing it all over again..By choice.. She wanted this life,.. and she got it.. ….

The babies, the diapers, then preschool and all the kid activities……. Phase 2 of her “being mom” life.

So, I started seeing Diana, again more often….. At the Y… with little Joan and Ed.

My own children did the running program, and so I saw Diana most Saturdays as the program went on.

Diana’s husbands name was Nathaniel. He was at work  many of those Saturday mornings.. . I do recall seeing Nathaniel a few times and Diana introduced me to him.

So, like many Saturdays during winter …  Diana’s routine entailed… bringing the kids to the Y….while “Nat” was at work..

Here is what happened one day, a Saturday…that Diana will NEVER forget..

Saturday, February 19th, 2011… 

(Diana was brave enough to share the details of this particular day with me….)

Diana had Joan and Eddie at the kids running program. It was then that she got the phone call…Nathaniel called her.. He told her he was having shooting pains down his arm. (He was on a construction job at the time.)

He said “Diana, Come and get me !”

Diana said, “You need to call an ambulance..right now.!”…

Nathanial said “No, just please come and get me”.

Sadly, Nathaniel was having a heart attack.

Sadly, Nathaniel didn’t make it .. He died ….that day…

It was all so surreal to Diana…Totally unexpected. Nat seemed totally healthy…

All seemed good with Nat’s health after what happened 9 years earlier with the Lymphoma and chemo…

Diana said he left for work that morning.. He said “see you later” to her and the kids…and then that was it… He was gone… Just like that…

Suddenly, Diana was a widow.

Joan was only 7 years old.

Ed was only 5…

Diana’s older 2 children were 26 and 24.

Today, I had a conversation via inbox on Facebook with Diana.

Diana is quite private. She keeps to herself. She is obviously very busy.

I did, however, learn A LOT from her as a result of our conversation today..

I learned that , during her college years, Diana studied abroad in Vienna, Austria. She interned with the United Nations. She knew how to speak 5 languages…She had a fantastic life growing up. She lived in  “L.A .” for some time .. It was great.. She lived a dream life during those years.

I had already known that she had been divorced from the older boys’ dad. And, that she got married, again. This time to Nathaniel.

I just, today, learned that when Diana had all that trouble becoming pregnant in her early 40’s,  she went though sticking herself with needles .. fertility treatments… with no luck. After trying acupuncture… She was able to have Joan and Eddie. They were 2 miracles.

Diana and Nathaniel moved to another town, Saugerties, NY, in a bigger house…. after their 2 kids were born.

Soon after Nat died,  hurricane Irene and Sandy came along…, Diana’s house flooded because she lives on a creek. It was devastating. There she was.. recently widowed, totally at her lowest, and her house floods… The worst part of the entire situation is that she lost all of the sympathy cards that she cherished so dearly ..The cards she got from loved ones after Nat died. Her words….. “IT SUCKED”

Diana also helps to take care of her mom. Diana’s mom has Parkinson’s Disease.

Another big issue… Since Nathaniel did not have a “will” at his time of death.., Nathaniel died “intestate” (It’s a legal term).

That means that Diana now has a law guardian that makes sure she is a fit mom. The court investigates her job, bank accounts, schools, background checks, fingerprinting, etc. It’s a night mare. She told me that it’s important to have a will… Lesson learned. Oh and on top of all of that, she has to pay THEM to do all this work… She has to pay people to watch her.. So that she can keep her own blood children.. All because of no “will”.

I learned so much about Diana today.. As she was sharing all if this information with me , a question came to mind..

So, I asked Diana.. “Wait.. .. So You work an hour away, in Poughkeepsie?……. How do you get the kids off to school and get to work full time?….How do you do it all? …. Alone?”

Here’s what she said about that ..

“It’s horrible. Moving to Saugerties became a longer commute. I had to change my hours. My employer is/was  accommodating. I work 8:30-4:30. I had to find  day care for before and after school. My head spins.”

 

Its’ been exactly 4 years since Nathaniel passed away.

Diana shared some memories of Nat with me.. She told me that Nathaniel was a very calm, rational, and funny guy. He was also very big and strong.

It is so obvious from the pictures I see of him that he adored his family. His smile shows it all. (See photo below)…

I wanted to make sure that I shared some things about Nat because he seemed like a real special guy…. A fantastic husband and father.

These days….Things are slowly getting better for Diana.

She took up running. I have seen her at several running races. She looks so fit and beautiful. She is proud that she is one of those moms who can now go out and run with her kids. I think running has helped her “cope”. I know from my own experience, that running can do wonders when your head needs to be cleared from stress and so much more.

Diana has found a nice group of friends within the running community. I am so happy that she has a social life with such a nice group of people.

Diana said that Joan and Eddie are doing very well. They are happy kids. Doing really well in school.

I do have to share one thing I saw recently that Diana posted on Facebook. The dance studio that little Joan attends. It’s a quite popular dance studio around our town. Recently,  the studio hosted a “Father/Daughter” dance. Joan still went to that dance.. She put on a pretty, shiny, black flowered dress and showed up to the dance …without her dad.. What a brave, sweet girl….. I saw that photo of her standing there alone in that fancy dress and it broke my heart. (See the photo of Joan below)

Joan is now 11 years old. Eddie is now 9.

This whole story began with me asking Diana this 1 question…

“What is your biggest struggle right now?”

This was her response…
“My biggest struggle right now?
My goal is to look like I don’t struggle. The fact is that my biggest struggle is wondering if I’m doing “it” right. I’m mother, father, daughter, bread-winner, bill payer, doctor, care-taker, chauffeur, confidant, advice-giver, decision-maker and I want to get “it” right. I feel like the guy in the old Ed Sullivan Show who spun the plates on sticks and had to keep them all spinning by just giving them each a little spin at the right time so they wouldn’t fall off. Couldn’t do it all without my kids, really. They are the reason I got out of bed everday then, and that I continue to do so today. We stay active because I want them to be happy and well adjusted. Their routines are important to them and it helps me schedule what we are doing next. I have to keep my head on the fact that it’s all about them. I struggle more when I think it’s about me.”

I said to Diana…. during our conversation today..” I hope you realize how special, beautiful, and inspirational you are. Many people could not ever do what you do and withstand what you have gone though. I guarantee Nathaniel is looking down and beaming … So proud of how you are raising these 2 beautiful souls and how well you are taking care of yourself…”

This is what Diana wrote back to me after I told her that…..

“That’s nice of you to say that. Thank you. I feel kind of ordinary.”

She thinks she is “ordinary”!!! Can you imagine?!!… She needs to add the word EXTRA to that word.

Diana, you are “EXTRA-ordinary” and you are my hero !

Thank you for letting me feature you in “Being Hack”.

 

 

 

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