I had a serious boyfriend in my early 20’s and he is the one who taught me how to say “I love you.”
I was raised in a wonderful and normal family, but we just weren’t the “I love you” type.
I am extremely grateful for my ex-boyfriend because he taught me the importance of saying those 3 words. He taught me that sharing those words means a lot.
I now say it all the time to my kids. I say it all the time to my husband.
For the past 25 years, I have been more open and have had better relationships with people because of those 3 small words.
The best feeling is NOT the quick on the way out of the house “See you later, I love you” (although that is good), or the quick before you hang up on the phone ..”Bye, I love you” ……………… It’s those moments when you get a tug on the arm when you are done saying the habitual “I love you” and you hear it, again, in a different way … “No, I mean, I really, really love you”.. …..
If you get a chance to tell someone how much you love them.. Learn to do it, …even if its uncomfortable at first… You’ll be glad you did.
With just about every child in the northeast about to start school this week or next … It got me thinking about all the students and what they endure before the year starts … And how they transition once they do start the year …
A lot of students get anxious and nervous.. Anxiety of getting lost in the building if the school is new, the possibility of being bullied , the fear of having a subject that they struggle with, the way they look. There are many anxieties….These are just a few.
I know with my own kids ..I just let them think about all of this .. I make sure they know they have someone to go to if they have a problem while at school.. I make sure I have at least 5 contacts within the building that I know will help if my kid comes to them ..I also remind the kids that I have no problem making a phone call or shooting off an email to someone at the school if they need my support …
Sometimes your kids just need to know that someone is there for them .. “I got your back “…
If you really think about it … Our kids are in that building all day .. 7 hours .. So this place needs to be comfortable to them ..
And for some children – School is better than being home .. Sometimes home isn’t such a good place ..At school they get 2 meals and they have a safe roof over their heads ..
I have dealt with all kinds of emotions that my kids have come home from school with … I’ve heard “I hate it there, the teachers don’t seem to know me , the kids are annoying , I saw a cock roach (local Kingston hs humor), “.. I’ve heard it all ..
What it comes down to is… You need to keep on top of what your child is dealing with, make sure you support them and console them if need be, and contact the school if you think they can help with any problems.
Be respectful to the staff of the school because they are also under a ton of pressure and they don’t need anyone screaming at them .
The key factor is that your child is there for the purpose of getting a good education in a safe environment …
Dont let the small stuff bother you and don’t complain too much in front of your kids because it rubs off on their attitude and demeanor towards school …
Make some “dates” with your kids after school to listen to what they have to say about school. Having a date planned also gives your child something to look forward to while they are sitting there for 7 hours..
I was trying to come up with a story for my blog..
I keep a running list of ideas and people that I would like to feature.
I have specifically listed names of people that I would love to get to know better or would love to tell what I know about them because their stories, to me, are inspiring and positive.
I have been reluctant to ask them if I could write thier stories because of the fact they may feel that their stories and lives are too private to be written about on some random person’s blog.
So, I decided to just write a few mini stories about a few people I know…. or know of..and not use their names.
I am very good at recognizing people who have the most beautiful souls and amazing inner strength.
Here’s a few..
1. I know a mother and daughter that are absolute best friends. The bond that holds them together is the fact that their husband/father had committed suicide 30 years ago. This memory haunts them terribly yet they have picked up the pieces and have learned to do their best to be happy and keep moving in life. They are good people.
2. I have an acquaintance who is an amazing athlete and was diagnosed with MS a few years ago. He continues to train for triathlons and keeps himself in the most amazing shape of anyone I know. He is a good man.
3. I know of a single mom who never got married. She decided she wanted to adopt a child. Turns out she adopted 2 children and she raises them on her own. She is a strong woman who LIVES for her daughters. She works her tail off and continues to raise very well mannered, beautiful, successful young teenagers. She is a good woman.
4. I know a woman/friend (since I was 15) who came from a single parent household. She was raised in an old rusted trailer. Her mom worked 2-3 jobs to keep the plates spinning .. This friend knew that if she worked hard in college ..and in life.. that she can live a life where she doesn’t have to “struggle week to week, paycheck to paycheck “. She went on to marry the love of her life, get her doctorate, become a high ranked educator, run a half marathon, move into a beautiful home, and travel all over the world every chance she gets. A total success story !!..She is amazing… as is her wife.. They are good people.
5. I see a man every day at my local Starbucks. I don’t know his name. He wears a mask on his face. I assume he is battling an illness. He spends hours there each day. Today, when I pulled up .. it was the most perfect day outside. He was in the outdoor seating area. I noticed he brought a checkered table cloth, a fresh flower in a pot (red to match the table cloth)…. I complimented on his special table that he made for himself there at Starbucks. He quickly told me that he has a different theme for different days of the week. Today was his “Saturday picnic”. He said he also has “First Friday Flowers”, and things like that … His words ….”“What ever works to keep you going each day””….That man inspires me. I can just tell he is a good person.
6. I have a dear friend that contacts me and checks on me. She’ll text me just to say hello. She is one of the kindest women I know. She knows I love pecan pie and will surprise me with a piece sitting on my front porch on random occasions. She never forgets my birthday. She drew a special picture and brought me little energy treats to help me before I ran my marathons. And I know I am not the only person she does these types of things for. This is a good person !
7. I have a specific group of friends that are so sweet and loving. We text several times a day. Group messages. We share our problems. We hang out. We laugh. We each have our inner issues that we battle and we know that about each other. We surround ourselves with each other because we know life is not easy and the humor in our conversations helps us along… They are good people…..#us
I want to just remind everybody to surround yourself with people like this !!!
I have many more wonderful people I know that I could write about…
If you are reading this and you are in my life… Please know that I think you are a good person.
He was born in 1929 and he passed away in 2011. He passed 4 days before his 83rd birthday.
My father was raised in the New Paltz, NY area. His parents worked for the Smiley Family at Mohonk Mountain House
He met my mom at Lake Mohonk.. My father worked on the Mohonk property doing random jobs and my mother moved there in her early 20’s to work as a live-in waitress…
My father was educated in a small Quaker school near or on the Lake Mohonk preserves. The fact that he never really spoke much of his school years leads me to believe that he did not graduate from High School. I guess I felt bad asking him about that in case he was embarrassed about it.
…My father had many friends and enjoyed drinking beer… He loved his cars (always)… Fancy new cars every few years.
He married my mother in 1957.
Way before I was born, my parents temporarily moved to the Phoenix, Arizona area… Then moved back after my mom became pregnant and home sick.
My parents eventually settled into our family home in Kingston, NY.
My parents had a total of 5 children. I am the youngest.
My dad became a truck driver for a living once he moved away from Lake Mohonk. He was a member of the Teamsters Union for many, many years. Much of his middle aged years, he worked for a company called “Van’s Auto and Air Express”…
His main job was to deliver IBM equipment and computers to the 3 major airports in the NYC area. He drove them by means of tractor trailer.
As a kid, I worried terribly about my father.
He would often come home after working 16-18 hour days and mention that he caught himself dozing off behind the wheel. He sometimes pulled over to nap a few minutes on the side of the road. Also, those seats were never good on his back and I worried about how he would be uncomfortable all day..
One night, when I was 14 years old…. a few days after Christmas….The dreaded phone call come in to my house.
I can tell by the tone of my mom’s voice that something had happened to my father.
It was not good.
…. This is what happened.
It was a cold winter night. There was ice and rain. It was cold and wet and miserable out. It was around 8 pm. It was dark… and gloomy.
My father stepped up to get into the cab of his tractor trailer (getting ready to leave for an airport delivery) and his workboots slipped on the top step.
He fell backwards full force and landed on the ground.
He landed on the icy concrete and directly on his tailbone.
At the time, my father was about 6 foot 2 and weighed 225 easily.
When he landed on his tailbone, it snapped right off of him. That’s right, his tailbone broke off.
Also, his pelvis was crushed in 4 places.
He was hurt so badly that the pain was unbearable.
He rolled around in pain in that rain and ice because he did not know what else to do. He wouldn’t let anyone touch him… He said it was indescribable..
This happened in Newburgh, NY… which was about 45 minutes from our house.
He was in the Newburgh hospital for about a week.
Because my mother did not have her drivers license, we worked it out to have him moved to the hospital in Kingston close to our home so that we could visit him.
He was in the Kingston hospital for a total of 3 months..
Times were tough. My mom had to get a second job until things settled with my dad’s hospital bills and the disability paperwork was finished up.
This accident left my father permanently disabled.
My dad was only 55 when this happened to him.
Once he got home from the hospital, things changed a lot. He went from a man that was not home very often and always on the go… To someone who could only really walk a little bit and sat around at home all day, in pain….
A year after that he had a massive heart attack.
He knew that he had to keep moving in order to stay as loosened up as possible. No matter how much it hurt, he forced himself to start moving more….He had a motivation to be able to drive a car again….
In due time, he was eventually able to drive again. He had to really test out the cars he could drive. They had to have leather seats so he could slide easily in and out. They had to be a height that he could also easily get in and out.. Not too high .. not too low..
He had to use a cane at times.
Once he could drive again, he started driving to our local mall and met up with his friends to walk around inside the mall early in the morning. He officially became a mall walker.
If you could see him walk, it was obvious he was banged up. He walked hunched over and often looked crooked… He did what he could.
Meeting up with his friends in the mall made him a much happier person. It was a good distraction in addition to being good for his health. Those mall walkers and mall employees absolutely adored my father. He was a handsome man. A full head of grey hair and light blue eyes. A very warm and sincere smile… And always up for being silly … Making funny duck noises and then looking away like he didn’t do it, complimenting the ladies, and just overall being a sweet man…
He would sometimes see his own primary care doctor shopping in the mall. He would make a point to say hello and show him how he’s trying to be good and healthy…. He’d say “Look at me, Doc… I’m getting my exercise”…He would go on to ask “Now, when I go home I’m going to have beer and junk food. That’s ok, right?”… The doctor would shake his head and chuckle..
My dad tried to get opinions from surgeons about how to fix his back. They told him that they could operate on his back BUT it was a high likelihood that he would be in a wheelchair the rest of his life as a result… Dad did not want that so he refused the surgery.
I cannot begin to describe the pain this man was in. Every time he sat down and stood up there was a moan that came from him that was like no other. He was always trying to work through the pain.
Even though he was in this awful pain from the age of 55 until he died at age almost 83, he was still a happy go lucky guy. He loved, loved, loved his grandchildren and took every opportunity to visit them and spend time with them….
They called him Poppy Boss.
He loved all his friends who spent time with him in the mall.
He eventually became a widower when my mom died in 1994.
He did well taking care of himself after my mother’s death, but he regretted terribly that his pain caused him to be more grumpy towards my mother than he felt he should have.
When the disability caused him to be home most of the time, it caused a lot of bickering … After my mom died, he cried often and said he wished he wasn’t like that ..
He was a sweet man. He got sweeter with age although his pain got worse and worse….
He really wanted to see his grandchildren and not be stir crazy being in the house all of the time. It would take a lot of effort to get in his car and come over to my house to visit. I lived 10 minutes from him. But it was good for him to try to keep moving and had a motivating factor for doing so.
There were times that he shared with me his frustration with the pain….He would sometimes tell me that the pain was so unbearable that if he owned a gun, he would have committed suicide. Seeing a grown man hunched over hold his head and saying things like that is not easy…. I worried about that often.
What an awful way to live…..He hardly slept.
Eventually, all of his injuries caused him to have terrible arthritis through his entire body … Every part of his body……It slowed him down…
He started to fall a lot and started to get in such terrible pain that he was in and out of the hospital and in and out of rehabilitation centers in order to get strong enough to go home, again. This became a constant cycle…
He had mostly bad days.. And in time, by the end of 2010 he was completely bed ridden.
He was lucky enough to be able to remain in his own home and comfortable environment as his health was failing to the lowest.
My oldest brother became his caretaker for the last few years of his life….
He became so frail and weak. It was often hard to understand what he was trying to say when he spoke…
My father died in March of 2011.
It was a very sad day…But, I’ll be honest….Knowing he was no longer in pain was such a relief and actually was a day to rejoice that he no longer had to suffer. So, it was definitely bitter sweet.
The longer time goes on without my dad, the sadder I feel for him and the pain he endured.
Most of the time he brought a lot of sunshine and laughter into people’s lives.
Well, most of the time…. Here’s a story of when he didn’t…
Back when he was a truck driver before his bad accident (in the 70’s)…. He was driving his tractor trailer to and from NYC. He stopped at a truck stop to get something to eat. When he came out, he caught a thief in the cab of his truck going through all his “stuff”. That did NOT make my dad happy. The tractor trailer just so happened to be parked very close to a phone booth… My dad was so strong, he picked the guy up by the back of the shirt and threw the guy into the air. The guy happened to land inside the phone booth by means of going through the glass…
But that was never the dad I ever knew. That was just a “tough guy” story he loved to share …
This is the dad I knew….
Here are some great things I would love to share about my dad , George Dymond.
He had several nick names, Mr Mayor, Mayor of the mall, Leggs Dymond, Boss Man, Poppy Boss… and many more.
He used to bring bags of M&M’s home from work and leave them on the corner of the kitchen counter for me. He worked long hours and went right to bed. So, when I woke up… I would find the surprise on the counter… Always a warm memory for me.
In his retired years, he loved watching the country music channel and The Wheel of Fortune. He always had comments to make about Vannah Whites outfit and/or her hairstyle.
The most memorable car of all of his collections over the years, was the turquoise blue T-Bird convertible. He bought this car when he was 75 years old. He must have really loved it because that car sat so low, he had a hard time getting in and out of it.. He got a lot of attention driving around in that, though. He even let me drive it a few times.
He loved wearing outfits from LL Bean. They made jeans that were lined on the inside with the same material as the flannel shirt that matched them. So, when he wore the jeans with the cuffs rolled up by the ankle with the matching shirt, he would joke that his shirt tail was so long that he had to roll them up at the bottom with his pants.
He wasn’t an educated man. He wasn’t a man that did any big community volunteering or anything political that would catch attention like that .. He wasn’t a rich man… But, he was a hard working, blue collar, man that raised his family to have strong morals, to work hard and have good manners…That, to me, is the best way to be raised…. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
My dad behind the wheel of his T-Bird convertible. You can also see the handicap sign in his window. He had a lot of fun with that car.
Ralph Tortorici is led away by police after taking 35 students hostage for 3 hours at the University at Albany in December 1994.
________________________________
It was December 14th, 1994.
A freezing cold winter day in Albany, New York
I was a student at SUNY Albany. It was my very first semester there as a transfer student.
I was in my dorm and I was packing black garbage bags filled with my clothing. I was packing to go home for over a month….
It was the last day of classes before winter break.
It was approximately 9 a.m.
I was excited to go home for Christmas/Winter break.
I did not have any classes to attend that day although many students did. I could have taken this one particular test in LECTURE CENTER #7, but I didn’t have to because I was happy with my class average. Only those who wanted to take the final exam to bring up their grade needed to be at lecture center #7..
Well, I decided to watch a little television while I was packing up my room. Turns out, there was “breaking news” on all of the TV stations.
There was a gunman inside LECTURE CENTER #5 !!! (Just 2 doors down where I could have been).. The gunman held the entire class hostage. 35 college students were in that lecture center.
I was watching this all unfold on my television.
I lived in the downtown/off campus dorms…So, I was about 2 miles from where this was happening..
I could not believe it.. It was very scary. I will never forget the images of the SWAT Team “sharp shooters” dressed in black, wearing bullet proof vests, standing atop of the lecture center building… Pointing there guns in anticipation.
Well, no one knew exactly what was going on INSIDE that classroom.
A side note:: A guy who lived about 3 doors from me in the dorm building was in that classroom.
After about 3 hours, the standoff was over.
There was a lot that took place in that room and we found out afterwards.
The gunman told the class professor to leave so that he could tell security, the governor, and the State Police about what’s going on . The professor followed those orders and that is how the rest of the world found out what was happening in that lecture center.
The gunman took a firehose and tied the large, heavy doors to the lecture center shut so no one could get in.
Turns out, after almost 3 hours, a student in the classroom took a chance and grabbed the barrel of the gunman’s rifle and struggled with him….Many of his classmates jumped in and pretty much beat the guy up and took him down. That student who grabbed the gun at first, Jason McEnaney, got shot in the groin.
You can only imagine the law enforcement and media craziness that occurred from that point forward !!
Fast forward one month ..I don’t think that Jason McEnaney came back to school to start the spring semester, or ever again, after that.
I know the kid who lived down the hall from me did because I was surprised to see him the following semester when I moved back into my dorm room. Although I knew his name back then, I don’t recall what it is 20 years later. He was tall with red hair and he was a huge St. John’s sports fan…That’s all I remember about him…..
So, the new semester began in January of 1995 and that means a new class schedule.
I get my schedule and I look it over..
Turns out, I have a class in Lecture Center #5 !! The scene of the crime !!!
I was truly surprised they continued to use that classroom so soon after the incident, but they did.
The ironic part is….The class that I was taking in LC #5 was called “SOCIAL PROBLEMS”..
On the first day of class, none of the students mentioned the hostage situation and they didn’t seem to care much .. They just looked half asleep and typical college student zoned out look on their faces…
Another interesting part of this story… The teacher decided to play a movie the very first day of class to put us all in the mind frame of what “Social Problems” is all about.
She (the teacher) played the movie “Falling Down” starring Michael Douglas. It was about a white collar worker who was going through tough times and just “lost it” one day…
Anyway, looking around the classroom… I noticed remnants of the hostage situation that took place a month earlier..
I saw new, large patches of carpeting. It was obvious that large squares of bloody carpet were cut up from the staircase and replaced with new brighter patches of carpet.
I also saw what looked to be bullet holes in the wall. And the movie screen looked to have bullet sized holes as well !!
When I decided to write this story, I googled “Lecture center hostage situation SUNY Albany”…. The first story that came up as a result of that search was an article written on the 20th anniversary of the incident … just this past December.
I learned so much more from this article and when the witness described how it all went down that December morning in LC5, all of the images I saw in that room matched up with his description. It was kind of cool to match my memory of what I saw to the memory of what that witness described.
The gunman who held that classroom full of students hostage was mentally ill. Student witnesses even recalled how it was obvious that the gunman was hearing “voices in his head” that day.. …
It was very sad to read about this.
Something I did not know until now, … The gunman, Ralph Tortorici, committed suicide while being held at the Sullivan Correctional Facility in Fallsburg, NY. In 1999.
Please read the attached article about the 20th anniversary of this situation.
I do not know what ever happened to the guy, Jason McAnaney, who initiated the takedown of the gunman and got shot. I read shortly after the incident that he received a sizable monetary reward from a wealthy woman who lived in Saratoga, NY. I also read that he was going to sue the SUNY system.. I don’t know what ever came of that, however.
Check out the Albany Times Union article below. It’s a good read. There is more to the story in this article….
My parents told me that I was to stay home with my older sisters so they could babysit me while my parents were gone with Rich.
For some reason .. I wanted to take the car ride with my parents and my brother to this doctors office …(located in uptown, Kingston NY)…
When I asked if I could go with them ..,..my parents said “No, just stay home with your sisters. ”
My Dad’s vehicle at the time was actually a truck .. It was a pickup truck with a “cap” on the back ..
So, what do you think I did when my parents told me “NO”?
I didn’t listen ..
I went to my Dad’s truck, turned the little knob to the back of the truck cap and snuck in the back of the truck..Curled up in the back corner of the truck bed.
My parents had no idea I did this and they drove off with my brother to the doctors ..
Like I said earlier, the doctor office was located in uptown, Kingston. Uptown is loaded with “one way” streets.
When my father was trying to parallel park along this one particular one-way road near the doctors office, he glanced in his rear view mirror …
He was shocked at what he saw ..
Yes … He saw little ole me .. all “balled up” in the corner of the truck bed ?
My mom had to ask to use the doctors office telephone to call home…
To inform my sisters ….of where I was.
Turns out , my sisters were frantically searching for me …They were relieved to get the phone call.. They were freaking out .
And so … This became a repeated story for many years amongst my family.
This is a story that happened when my daughter, Julia, was about 4 years old.
She was the “typical little girl” that everyone thinks of at that age.
She was into princesses.
She owned little “dress up” dresses that had sequence and she had little mini “dress up” bride gowns.
She even had a few Disney princess costumes that she wore quite often.
She loved to wear those velour “hand-me-down” dresses with the puffy shoulders and the lace bib in the front. Those dresses were her favorite school attire.
She liked shiny shoes. She had several pair.
Julia took dance classes and was truly a “dainty little flower”…
So.. One day… I was driving her to preschool.
I had a minivan.
Julia was sitting in the back seat and she was strapped into her car seat.
We came to a red light just about 1 block from her preschool. The light had JUST turned red; So, I planned to sit there a while…
I have to note that this particular intersection has a few churches surrounding it.
Many of these churches loan or rent out their basements for helpful causes.
Causes for…..alcoholics anonymous, drug addiction meetings, and food pantries….
Well, picture Julia in the back seat of the minivan…All dressed for school and innocently looking out the window ..
Picture me with the my hands on the steering wheel just waiting at the red light..Most likely running late ….
I was probably playing some sort of nursery rhyme CD for Julia to listen to on the way to school….. All innocent preschool morning time stuff….
The light stayed red for what seemed to be a long time.
While sitting there idle in the minivan…I instantly noticed a woman get out of a car.. Someone dropped her off at a corner. ……I couldn’t help but notice her. She definitely stood out…
She looked to be about 6 feet tall… Tall and statuesque .. If you could picture a similar look of Julia Roberts in “pretty woman” when she was wearing that short dress and the knee high boots.
This particular woman I saw had on a very short, skin-tight, skirt, and high heeled, thigh-high boots.
She wore a huge, rimmed hat and a fancy boa around her neck. She walked a fancy walk.. A walk that drew that extra attention.
My instant thought was that she was a “woman of the evening”….
She was headed toward one of those churches for a meeting in the basement.. I saw her walk straight towards the church entrance.
I was also wondering something, at this moment……Wondering what direction Julia’s little face was staring….Did she see this woman? If so, will Julia speak out loud as to what she was seeing at that moment…?
Well, It didn’t take long …
I heard… “MOM !,,,,, Did you just see that woman?” All in a very dramatic voice….
I replied back ” You mean the one who was wearing a big hat?” (Sort of in a soft tone..downplaying it.)…All the while…making an odd face….in anticipation of her response…She couldn’t see this look on my face as I was driving in the seat directly in front of her….
Julia went on to say… “Yes……Her !!!”
Suddenly, there is a deep gasp that comes from Julia… One of excitement …. and then she said….
” ……She …… Looks…….. BEAUooooTIFUL…..”
….As sincere as anything I had ever heard her say.
At that moment, I realized a few things..
1. The brain of a 4 year old is so pure and innocent… Made me feel guilty for what judgment I had against this woman’s outfit..
And 2. What Julia just said reiterated to me what her personality truly was.. and still is..
Julia is so non judgmental and sweet and sees the good in ALL people…
When that light turned green…. and I put my foot on that gas pedal…I knew this was a story to keep in my “story vault” forever…
Sweet Julia…Always sweet and positive…
My reply back to Julia was….”You know what, Julia?…You’re right….She DOES look beautiful !”…..
..I often think of this story and of Julia’s wonderful attitude and accepting personality when my mind starts to wander into “judgy-ville”…
I believe that “everybody has a story” and this is Lisa’s….
She was born in August of 1980.
I met her when she was only 1 month old.
I was almost 10 years old when she was born.
She and her family lived across the street from me.
Our neighborhood was perfect. Lots of kids. Lots of fun. Lots of close families.
I remember when I was able to meet Lisa for the first time. I was super excited. I remember getting the ok from my mom to go and visit the new baby. I remember literally running across the street to meet her. Could not hold back my excitement.
You see, Lisa was adopted. She was a special gift…and she had just arrived home…
She was welcomed into her forever home, …..with her forever family, …at about 1 month of age.
I remember she was so adorably cute.. She was so little in that infant seat. She looked like a little doll..She had the cutest little face and blonde hair… I was so pleased to meet her.
Lisa lived happily with her mom and her brother.
They were a wonderful family.
Her mom worked at a local elementary school as a special education teacher.
Her brother was about 5 years old when Lisa was welcomed into their family.
The entire neighborhood was so excited for them all.
She was a perfect little girl who lit up their life..
I remember looking across the street and seeing when Lisa first learned to walk. She loved pushing her toy baby stroller with a baby doll inside. ALWAYS smiling..!! A very happy girl.
I also remember that she didn’t talk too much…..At that age that she should have been. Instead, she was making noises that sounded more like squeaks or squeals.
Lisa’s mom, being a special education teacher, started to worry about Lisa not being able to talk and brought her to be checked out.
Turns out, Lisa was deaf.
Pretty much 100 percent deaf.
No one knew Lisa was deaf until this point.
At this point, Lisa’s mom immediately started getting Lisa the help she needed to catch up in all areas of “early childhood development”.
Lisa’s mom was a single parent during Lisa’s younger years . Let me tell you, she was an AMAZING and STRONG woman… One of the best parents I knew.. She was a sweet and caring woman/mother who loved her children more then anything in the world. She had a warm smile. I will always remember her as a kind soul.
Turns out, all of the childhood intervention that Lisa received worked very well…
Lisa was 6 years old when she started Kindergarten.
Lisa did real well as she was going through school.
She went to a special class with other deaf children for all of her years in the Kingston School District, then eventually Rondout School District.
Turns out, the classes for the elementary school aged deaf students were held in the same building/school that her mom worked as a special education teacher. That worked out well…
Lisa did eventually get hearing aids.
She learned how to talk.
She talked with the tone that most deaf people have.
Lisa and her family eventually moved away from our neighborhood. They didn’t move from our friendship, however..
Lisa’s mom stayed in touch with another neighbor, named Jackie..Jackie was a good friend to Lisa’s mom and she was like an aunt or a second mom to Lisa.. Jackie always kept the rest of our neighborhood updated on how Lisa and the rest of her family was doing.
Lisa got teased at school every so often, but she was a strong girl and she dealt with it.
Lisa made it through elementary school, middle school, and high school.
All the while, being in special classes due to her being deaf.
Interesting story….She got to be good friends with another deaf girl that was in school with her. As time want on.. they eventually found out that they came from the same birth mother… That’s right, Lisa had a birth sister who sat right next to her in class !!… I am not sure how they figured this out, .. how it all went down… But it was figured out.. They went on to learn that they also had a brother who was also in special education classes with them… All 3 were deaf.. All 3 went to 3 different adoptive families who didn’t discover the children were deaf until they were a year or 2 old.
Can you imagine that happening and how amazing that must have felt upon that discovery ?!..They were all 3 thrilled about finding this out …
Lisa continued to have a great relationship and friendship with her birth-siblings ever since…
This picture below was taken about 1 week after they discovered they were all related. They were so happy to know this news that they went and met up for a professional photo. I was told by Lisa’s birth brother that they all showed up for the picture wearing blue without it being planned that way..(Lisa is the girl on the left..)
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Well, Lisa received a great education right up to through high school. I am happy to report that she graduated from high school when she was 19 years old.
I remember my father used to run into Lisa in the mall. My dad spent time there as a “mall walker” in his retired years. Lisa was always so happy to see my father. He loved seeing her and always told me when he did. He always talked about her beautiful smile.
Let me tell you some more great things about Lisa…
She was friendly.
She liked to bake.
She liked to swim.
She went to special classes to learn sign language.
She had a huge, obvious smile. I mean… when this girl smiled all of her teeth would show.. Ear to ear in happiness… When she smiled at you, you had no choice but to smile back.. It was one of THOSE kind of smiles.. She had a beautiful gleam in her eyes when she smiled… She was genuine.
My dad told me about this one particular time that he ran into Lisa in our local shopping mall. She was super excited to tell him her big news… She was going to be leaving soon for college..
Yes… COLLEGE… Go LISA !!!!!
She got accepted into the National Technical Institute for the Deaf in Rochester, N.Y.
Lisa moved to Rochester .. She moved in to college.
Her mom and brother must have been happy and excited for her.
This is where this story takes a turn .. for the worse …….
Lisa was all moved in,… all settled in.. Loving school so much that she went to some classes twice to make sure she knew it well.
After being at school for about 2 weeks, …
Lisa collapsed…
In her dorm room.
Her roommate found her on the floor.
Lisa was revived.
But, she was in a coma.
Lisa was rushed to a nearby hospital in Rochester..
She stayed there for quite some time… All the while still in a coma.
Turns out, from what little I know of the prognosis, Lisa had a brain infection. It was somehow related to her being deaf. This caused her to collapse and go into a coma.
Lisa’s mom called on the neighbor, Jackie, that I spoke of earlier….
Jackie was a nurse and a dear friend to Lisa’s mom.
Jackie flew to Rochester 2 or 3 times to be with Lisa, Lisa’s mom, and Lisa’s brother.
It was important for Jackie that she was there, in Rochester, for Lisa. ……Lisa and Jackie had a great relationship ..Lisa loved Jackie… Jackie loved and adored Lisa right back… You will see, on the back of Lisa’s 8th grade school picture (below) what Lisa truly thought of Jackie.
(I want thank Jackie for helping me with this story and supplying me with photos.)
Eventually, Lisa was brought closer to her family home. She remained in a coma and was being cared for at a local Brain Trauma Center in Lake Katrine, NY.
Lisa’s mom spent hours, days, months, and eventually years by Lisa’s side.
She would talk to Lisa. She would hold her hand. She would put headphones on her ears.. Hoping to get some response from her…She was a religious woman and she prayed a lot.
Lisa’s mom did so much for her. She tried so hard. She was a perfect mom.
Lisa was in the brain trauma center for a long time. It must have been exhausting for Lisa’s mom.. She never complained.
Things started to get worse for Lisa, however..
Sadly, Lisa eventually passed away on January 3, 2003.
She was only 22 years old.
That big, happy smile of hers……. She should have been able to share that with more people for many more years..
God must have wanted that smile with HIM..
Lisa’s mom and brother were devastated..
Lisa was a special person..
She was loved by many people. She was somebody’s daughter and sister.
How many of you knew this story about this young girl from Kingston, NY?
I don’t think many people from Kingston did…
I wanted to write this story to make sure more people knew about Lisa’s life because she deserved that !
What a great, happy, and friendly girl she was. And she lived for 22 years …
I will NEVER forget Lisa…
I also want to add that Lisa’s mom passed away 9 years after Lisa… She passed away in February of 2012. I like to think that Lisa and her mom are together again…Happy to be together and smiling down on us all. Lisa’s giant, ear to ear, smile…..and her mom’s sweet, warm smile.. that always came along with a slight head tilt…
Always in my heart…
In addition….Lisa’s brother has turned out to be one of the most successful people I know. So, I know they are super proud of him. I know I am super proud of him!!… I am sure his success comes from the strength that he has received from his sister and mother…
When Jackie showed me the note on the back of this photo.. She couldn’t even talk.. She was too overwhelmed with sadness…. It still hurts ….
Jackie had not looked at these pictures of Lisa in many, many years .. Until I called on her for this blog story. When she looked on the back of this particular photo (to see if she wrote the year it was taken) and saw this note from Lisa…Suddenly, this picture was that much more special. She forgot Lisa wrote this note. What a special gift Jackie received, yesterday, by looking for these photos for me..
A young, deaf girl writes “Jackie, you are my best friend”…
The management decided to purchase an entire room full of indoor bikes. Some call them “spin bikes”…
They got a few instructors to be certified in teaching.. and then .. they put together a schedule filled with different class days and times.
I started to take these indoor cycle classes about 2 months after the classes were initially introduced.
This indoor cycling quickly became a huge hit amongst the Y community.
The best days and times for me to attend these classes were Tuesday and Thursday mornings. 6:00 am….
The 2 main instructors at the time were Jen and Amy.
After a few months, Jen had moved out of town…..so it was all Amy…
Amy instructed on Tuesday and Thursday mornings.
I was pretty consistent with showing up on these particular days and times.
So were all the others…
Always the same group of people…
Eventually, the class started being filled up.
All 27 bikes were taken and those who arrived too late, were out of luck.
The Tuesday and Thursday morning cyclists were all starting to become friends.
Everyone (including me..)started arriving an HOUR or more before class was to begin…
We all started doing this for 2 reasons..
1. To claim a bike.. and
2. To socialize with the other people who are also there claiming a bike.
Eventually, the class became so popular that there was a sign in sheet. It was the best way to keep track of whether the class was full and helped cut down on a few problems … That sign in sheet added more pressure to get there early….
Speaking of early…. Our group of people had a great relationship with the man in charge of unlocking the YMCA doors each morning . He opened those doors as early as 4:45 in the morning just for us. He was a maintenance employee. He was so kind to our group. He showed up to work early every day and unlocked the building so that we didn’t have to wait outside. He did this out of kindness of his own heart and also out of his own pocket. … He would even set up chairs for us in the lobby each morning so we had a place to sit…He clocked in to work after he did all that.
And speaking MORE about being early….The start time of this class eventually backed up to 5:30 am in order to accommodate many group members who needed to be finished on time to get ready for their jobs and to be able to not be late for work.
Because it was so early, it was still dark outside during these classes.
It was so fun because we never turned on the lights in the cycle room (still true today) and the only lights shining are a string of white Christmas lights that line the top of the walls along the room.
So, there was this one day in particular.. many of the cyclists just so happened to wear bright yellow and orange t shirts.
Since it was so dark outside and dark inside the cycle room, the instructor, Amy, told us that we all looked like a bunch of Fireflies scattered through the room.
Suddenly that name stuck… We all became “AMY’s FIREFLIES”
As time went on.. many members found their favorite spot and bike in the room. Most of us had a staple bike that we liked best and always ventured to that bike. Suddenly, those who were seated to the left and right of those bikes became the closest of friends and jokesters.
As time went on… the friendship bonds got stronger.. and then… next thing you know… There’s a party invite to a group member’s house.
Then, next thing you know, every 2 or 3 months after that there was a party at a different group member’s house…
Most members, who enjoy hosting parties, took turns and put on some great parties with food and drinks and games and laughter…We got to meet each other’s spouses and each other’s family members…We got to see all their great decorations in their homes and taste everyone’s favorite recipes…
This one time, one of the Fireflies invited everyone to his house for what seemed to be a backyard picnic/barbeque…. All of the group who showed up to his house that day was in for a lovely surprise… Not only was it a backyard barbeque, this particular Firefly member had a beautiful backyard with an exquisite setting… including a waterfall… … And he was so sweet as to plan out a special wedding vow renewal ceremony with his beautiful wife.. Everyone felt so honored to be there.
The parties and gatherings still happen to this day… The most recent gathering took place at a local restaurant / bar in town just last month.
Over the years we have all put in orders for our official “Amy’s Fireflies” gear…. Firefly T-shirts, Firefly moisture-wick shirts, Firefly hoodies, and Firefly tank tops. We literally have our own line of clothing….with our own logo.
On 2 different occasions, at Christmas, we all received personalized embroidered towels ….to hang on our bikes,… to wipe the sweat… with the Firefly logo on them… An awesome gift from a fellow Firefly member.
Now, I have to tell you about our head Firefly … The reason we all enjoy showing up to the Y this early to begin with… ….
Her name is …..AMY…
She is an amazing cycle instructor.
She is a beautiful person…inside and out…
She is always positive and supportive.
She is always willing to take a song suggestion from a member and play it when she can.
She has a lot of spunk on the bike…
She’s strong and she is athletic.
She is very well liked.
She is also a school social worker, a zumba instructor, and a runner…
She is one of my best friends.
Everyone adores Amy and if it wasn’t for her… we would all be lost in life.. .Seriously….
Plus, you always leave her class with a great workout under your belt and feeling good about yourself…
I have to also tell you about some of the crazy and fun things that happen DURING Amy’s classes….
Let me set the scene.
Amy is up front on the instructor bike. She is wearing a head set. She is filled with zest and energy.. playing great tunes and saying positive and motiving things to us into that instructor headset of hers… We all work hard cycling for an hour.. Amy’s hair is in a loose bun on top of her head and that bun is bopping back and forth so fast it makes you dizzy..
The room is filled with Fireflies. They are on their bikes “doing their thing” to Amy’s instruction…
Some members…
Get off their bikes and start dancing like a chip n dales dancer,
Some members…
Point at each other when a particular song comes on that they knew is meant for that person… For example….There is one Firefly in particular that LOVES his country music. As soon as a country song comes on… All fingers point to him.
Some members….
Hoot, holler, and whistle when a “crowd favorite” song is played. Amy knows just the right time to get everybody all pumped up and yelling.
Some members….
Take their bike towels and waive them in a circle over their heads like a cowboy/cowgirl about to lasso something.
Some members…
Decide they want to “start a little trouble” and challenge other members to a “spin off”. (It’s kind of like a “dance off”, except on a stationary bike.). All eyes on the 2 people involved … They start competing for the loudest cheer and whistle..by just going “all out” with those spinning legs !! It’s hilarious and fun.. And it’s what keeps everyone coming back for more…
Every class is like that… and it’s super fun….
We all tend to have a lot of energy for so early in the morning.
A lot of funny shenanigans takes place before, during, and after these classes…
We all must have something similar amongst us that helped us form this bond. It just works and I can’t really pinpoint exactly what it is…
It is important that I tell you about the different people who are in the Firefly group. It’s the most special part of it all…..
We are a melting pot of different types of professions and backgrounds….
Get ready for this one…..
The Fireflies consist of………
Several well loved and hardworking school teachers (a classroom teacher, 2 gym teachers, and a school librarian), a talented quilting teacher, a spunky teaching assistant, a smiling school safety officer, a super speech therapist, a well respected , retired police detective, 5 or 6 EXTREMELY well known and successful business owners , a few state employees.. including a never sarcastic New York State Trooper , a cheerful not for profit manager, a really nice utilities worker for Time Warner Cable, super smart insurance and advertising salesmen, 2 amazing graphic designers, a gorgeous physician assistant, a super nice anesthesiologist, a fast pedaling college professor, a few awesome and brilliant school district administrators, a sweet nurse, a well known and always smiling local bank president, a super friendly IBMer, a great construction worker, a few experienced business managers, a friendly office administrator, a caring financial controller, a cool UPS driver, … Oh… and me (an accountant)..
We all come from different backgrounds, ….We all get along well.
In this class, we are all friends… Black, white, tall, short, rich, poor, young, old, “blue color” workers, “white color” workers,……. We are all friends and we look out for each other.
It’s amazing to think that some of the greatest people in our community show up twice a week and do this as a group. That’s the way it works.. A bond … A strong bond..
We always try to support each others ventures OUTSIDE of class as well..
Here is just one example…
One Firefly member has a charity that is close and dear to his heart. He helps to organize an event each year called “Bike for Cancer Care”. Proceeds from this event help local cancer patients with expenses.. The Fireflies always donate and always participate.
We hoot and we holler and we are usually the loudest group of people at an event when we are supporting our fellow Fireflies… It’s so fun!!
If someone has a problem, whether it’s …” My cable isn’t working, I need insurance, I need medical advice, I have a banking question, who knows a good plumber?”, etc… The Fireflies can either help you directly or know somebody who will be there for you in an instant !
One very special tradition amongst the Fireflies is the birthday tradition. When it is your birthday, you get a basket filled with presents.. A cute, old fashioned, girly, pink, bicycle basket.. Presents flow out the top of it.. and there are always helium balloons attached to your bike seat… Also, there is a cute “bicycle dingy bell” attached to your handle bars”.. You can ding that bell all of the class as much as you want…Also, you get to write your own music playlist for Amy to play during class….. It’s great…
Sadly, one of our beloved Fireflies passed away last year. He was a great man. His name was Dave… We still talk about him in class. His memory will always live on.. I still can’t believe we lost our first “Firefly”..
I also want to add, that, over the years additional bikes have been added to the cycle room. When some new class participants come to take this class, they enjoy it and tend to keep coming back .. And then, suddenly, there is another new firefly .. It’s definitely an open and inviting group who love meeting new people.
To finish,, I just want to say I am very proud to be an “Amy’s Firefly”…. It’s so humbling to be amongst such a great group of friends…I love each and every one of them.
When you see a person wearing this logo (see photo at the top) on their shirt… Now you will know the background story of “Amy’s Fireflies”…
Check out these photos below of some of the Fireflies out and about doing good things.. Usually involving bikes (…and “cold beverages”)… I don’t have many photos from inside the Cycle Room. That’s because the Cycle Room at the Y is like Las Vegas. “What happens in the cycle room, stays in the cycle room”…..
If any of my Firefly friends have any cycle room photos they don’t mind sharing, I’d love that rare photo for this story…..
Fireflies at “Bike for Cancer Care”… That’s Amy…bottom right in the black T-shirt and sunglasses…
This is what a “birthday bike” looks like. And, this is Christine. She is the “birthday fairy” who sets this up for everybody on their birthdays.
I first met Austin about 7 years ago at a little league field in my neighborhood.
He was at the little league field cheering on his little brother who was teammates with my son.
At the time, Austin was only 14 years old.
Austin was always well mannered and friendly. He carried himself as a fine young man. He always looked strong and confident.
For all of the years that Austin’s brother, Chris, was on the team with my son, Brad…we got to know Austin and spoke to him quite a bit.. Austin was always so nice to my family.
It was for about about 5 or 6 little league seasons that my family and I spent time with Austin.
We learned a lot about him during that time.
He was a boy scout. He enjoyed scouting. He worked hard at being a good scout. He worked so hard, that he earned his “Eagle Scout Award” ~ Eagle Scout is the highest rank attainable in the Boy Scouting program.~ I remember being so proud of Austin when he earned that great and distinguished achievement.
His Eagle Scout project :::Austin built a walkway in a grotto (religious shrine) at a local church. It turned out so nice. It was a perfect project.. He worked hard to get that project done and ultimately became an “Eagle” as result …(in addition to all of the merit badges that he earned ).
Eventually, Austin’s brother, Chris, did not play baseball anymore and we stopped seeing Austin and his family at the “field” during the summer.
But, as it turns out, I started seeing Austin at a different place.
He had a job at a very popular Farm to Market grocery store in our area…(Adam’s Fairacre Farms)…. It was so nice to see Austin there. He was always working hard when I saw him. It was obvious he was a responsible employee with a strong work ethic. He was also friendly and well liked. I always saw other customers and employees swarming around Austin. He was a popular guy.
Here is some more info about Austin.
He graduated from high school in 2011.
He went on to study environmental sciences at a local community college… as he also worked at the grocery store.
I will never forget walking through “Adams” grocery store and hearing “Hi, Mrs. Hack”… I would turn around and see that handsome, young face, a flat top haircut, perfect white teeth, and a warm smile.
This one day in particular, Austin made a point to stop me while I was shopping to tell me his big news.
He said “I have been working hard to get in good shape. I am leaving soon for boot camp. I’m going to be in the Marines.”… He went on to tell me the exact number of days remaining until he leaves for Parris Island…
Parris Island is located in South Carolina.
I saw Austin, at the store, a few more times before he left for boot camp. Each time.. he knew the exact number of days until he departed for boot camp.
The scheduled day was January 7, 2013.
He looked ready. He really did….. I could see that transformation in him already. He was almost 20 years old, he was extremely fit, and he was serious.. He had that gleam in his eyes.. I felt his excitement .
The young man I once knew, started looking like a grown man.
Since I knew he was leaving, I made sure to find him on Facebook and “friend” him. Austin was a person I knew I wanted to keep in touch with him. So proud and so excited for him at the same time.
Here is his Facebook post from January 6, 2013..
With a new year comes a new adventure. Tomorrow, I will take the first step of my journey. Thank you to everyone who has helped me in any way thus far. I thank my parents for helping raise me into the young man I am today. To my friends and family.. Goodbye and I love you guys. Tomorrow I start my quest to earn that title of UNITED STATES MARINE and a quest to my own life as an adult.
Austin is following in the footsteps of his own father, Mike, who is also a United States Marine.
I also want to add that Austin was “the man of the house” for several months during his late teens.. He took care if his mom and brother as he was the oldest boy in the house …
You see, his Dad was away in Iraq…for a long time….. With the Marines.. When someone you know personally has a loved one… away , overseas , in the military .. It “hits home”. I thought of Austin and his mom and his brother a lot during those times. Here is Austin’s Facebook post on a very special day ..
Austin’s parents, Kim and Mike, are great parents and I know they are so proud of Austin.
Austin has always been active. Besides “Scouting”, he also enjoys going fishing and hunting, snowboarding, and watching ice hockey.
Austin showed up and was ready for boot camp. From January 6th, 2013 to April 7th, 2013… There were no Facebook posts from Austin. Nothing….
He was in boot camp… probably pushing himself to his limits at the U.S. Marine Corps Recruit Depot / Parris Island.
Suddenly,… on April 7th, 2013… BAM !!…. Austin was back “online”, again..
Here is his facebook post…
YESSS !! Go Austin !!!
After he was finished at Parris Island, Austin eventually made his way to a Marine Corp base in Kaneohe, Hawaii.
He went through training and is now a Military Police Officer (MP).
Exactly 1 year after he showed up at Parris Island .. Exactly 1 year after his first day for boot camp…..Austin wrote the following post on his Facebook wall.. January 7, 2014..
Well, time has flown by, it seems. A year ago, January 7, 2013, I left my family, friends and the civilian world to begin my journey and become a United States Marine. Today, I am proud to do what I do and serve my nation and it’s people. It’s an honor to be part of this brotherhood. Greater than words can describe. Today ,and later in life, I can say that I will never regret this decision and I am thankful for everything that I have. Finally, a special thank you to my family and especially my father, Michael J. Decker, for serving (as a Marine) and helping me through the process. Being there through it all… I feel honored to wear the same uniform and Eagle Globe and Anchor he does. “I love you Dad, Semper Fidelis !!”
If that post, alone, doesn’t prove what an amazing man Austin has turned into, I don’t know what does…!
Oh, and another thing.. Just the other day, he got “promoted” .. He got a new stripe..
Today, Austin and I were having a conversation via Facebook Inboxing..
I told him that I wanted to write a story about him in “BEING HACK”..
He thought it was a cool idea.
Here are some of the questions I asked him..
What do you miss the most about being home in N.Y.?
Let’s see… I miss my family…. And… believe it or not… I miss the snow (LOL),… and I miss going hunting.
What is it that makes you happy/proud about being a Marine and being in Hawaii?
Being a Marine, I am proud to be able to give back to my country.
Being an MP, (Military Police) I like to make a difference.
I like Hawaii. It’s nice, except, when it rains..
When it rains, it pours… Literally….
I went on to tell Austin that I think of him whenever I go shopping at “Adams”.
I also told him that I run into his parents and brother around town.
He said..
Oh good.. I miss them all.
Another question I asked..
Do you ever have fun… “down time”…with friends?
Yes,..I have down time. My friends and I go to the beach, hike, and go out every now and then.
Austin has been able to come back home to N.Y. twice since he has been a United States Marine.
Once, in April 2013, right after boot camp.
Once, in August 2013, right before he went to Hawaii.
He is hoping to come back home to NY, again, for a visit this coming July.
——————————————————-
I want to say THANK YOU, AUSTIN, for serving our country.
I speak for many people ..
I look forward to watching you continue to grow and live your life as a Marine.
Austin as a “Scout”
USMC ~MP~
Austin and his beautiful family
Austin with his Dad
Check out this video. It’s a (Facebook) overview of Austin and all of the things that I just wrote about…..(click on the the center of the video to start it)..
